soothed by a sense that i was healing myself
because i care so severely.
through people pleasing
and the ever present YES that came so easily,
placating my empathic self through nursing and insuring
only to have nothing left to peer into when i found myself alone.
i painted, i beaded, and i danced a million dances
all the while-a hum-so loud, it was mute.
the creativity in me trying to disentangle itself
of all the layers that I had plated over,
a hundred lifetimes, i expect...
its sheen needing to expose the layers of my true self,
like the sun holds space in the clouds on a rainy day.
but you see, vitality has a way of sending silent signals
and through hypocrisy in a human i trusted
a greedy decision would eventually be my release.
how bittersweet, the momentum that comes of fear and defeat.
on a sad day in the mountains, as i wailed about injustice,
my partner persisted. gently coaxed and listened.
as i delivered my true desire and finally conceded,
that to adorn the world,
with the love that occupies all of my heart,
was the next move, my way into art.
sweet relief to have at last confessed
and to be met with love and such grace,
never had i considered
the Universe would corroborate so swiftly.
i turn to wipe my tears as we drive...
and in the sky, i see my first Sun Dog;
a 22 degree halo surrounding the sun-
as if to declare that my heart is enough
that i can, indeed, adore myself
without losing my way.
and now, years later, i have a story to tell,
chronicled in metal and stone.